My Sick Sad Theory On life
Last night I fell asleep to the sound of the rain dancing in the ease troffing and the sound of your voice. The way you always contradict me, I'll never really know why. Maybe just to see my reaction, maybe just to start something heated. But i do know one thing, Ill never forget it.
I'm starting to wonder if your bad for my health, becasue everytime i think of you my heart beats so fast i swear you could hear it. And im so stressed because im scared the way i feel about you is written all over my face, and im so sure it is, and im so sure you reading it and laughing. But suppose you not laughing, and you do care, why dont you tell me? Maybe for the same reason that im not telling you, im absolutly petrifyed of your reaction. But then again, you might have never cared about me. But I'll always reamaber the time you told me you didnt want to leave, and i agreed as you held me tight... the evil game of seduction. and it makes me sick, because it worked each time. But its not like that matters any more because its done and over with and now its just left as a memory. And im sure my heatache are competly ammature compaired to what you have been through. But im sick of writing these non-rhetorical speeches and expecting you to know they are for you, but i couldnt possibly tell you the truth, Because the truth is a burden.. for the both of us. the truth is, I could Love YOU. But quite frankly none if that matters, im just a small part of a long chapter that you are failing to close and move on without. Maybe growing up alone will teach you something. And i want to show up where are are and tell you how I feel and and then call myself stupid and begin to walk away as you reach for my hand and tell me to stay for a while. I want the movie scene, but what are the odds? And i have so many people motivating me to get over you, and its not enough for as long as i cant admit the fact that i want you more than anything in this world. I wont admit it. And i wont admit it hurts.. So right now im just contrdicting myself as you laugh hystaricly with your buddies. And now you will never find out what I could have done for you, because im sure i could have been your dream fufilled, or maybe im just lying to boost some sort of confidence, becasue all i am is simple and unpretentious, or at least to you i am, and i know this becasue if i was more than that to you, you would have said so by now. This is my bitter-sweet ending... but im not sure i want it to end quite yet. truth be told, i may only be a small part in your chapter, but your my whole chapter... and all this soap-opera confliclt is reminding me of Dawson's Creek. You know...? Dawson wont let go of Joey. As i wont let go of you. As much as i want to, i can't close this chapter and... untill i close this chapter with you, I cant go on.
I'm starting to wonder if your bad for my health, becasue everytime i think of you my heart beats so fast i swear you could hear it. And im so stressed because im scared the way i feel about you is written all over my face, and im so sure it is, and im so sure you reading it and laughing. But suppose you not laughing, and you do care, why dont you tell me? Maybe for the same reason that im not telling you, im absolutly petrifyed of your reaction. But then again, you might have never cared about me. But I'll always reamaber the time you told me you didnt want to leave, and i agreed as you held me tight... the evil game of seduction. and it makes me sick, because it worked each time. But its not like that matters any more because its done and over with and now its just left as a memory. And im sure my heatache are competly ammature compaired to what you have been through. But im sick of writing these non-rhetorical speeches and expecting you to know they are for you, but i couldnt possibly tell you the truth, Because the truth is a burden.. for the both of us. the truth is, I could Love YOU. But quite frankly none if that matters, im just a small part of a long chapter that you are failing to close and move on without. Maybe growing up alone will teach you something. And i want to show up where are are and tell you how I feel and and then call myself stupid and begin to walk away as you reach for my hand and tell me to stay for a while. I want the movie scene, but what are the odds? And i have so many people motivating me to get over you, and its not enough for as long as i cant admit the fact that i want you more than anything in this world. I wont admit it. And i wont admit it hurts.. So right now im just contrdicting myself as you laugh hystaricly with your buddies. And now you will never find out what I could have done for you, because im sure i could have been your dream fufilled, or maybe im just lying to boost some sort of confidence, becasue all i am is simple and unpretentious, or at least to you i am, and i know this becasue if i was more than that to you, you would have said so by now. This is my bitter-sweet ending... but im not sure i want it to end quite yet. truth be told, i may only be a small part in your chapter, but your my whole chapter... and all this soap-opera confliclt is reminding me of Dawson's Creek. You know...? Dawson wont let go of Joey. As i wont let go of you. As much as i want to, i can't close this chapter and... untill i close this chapter with you, I cant go on.
*Progress Report: I Am Missing You To Death*
posted by Candace at 12:53 PM
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